just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
