you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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