Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
