3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
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I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
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I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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