Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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