id be glad to
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
