Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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