You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
