ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
