I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
