Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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