Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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