Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
