Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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