i'm signing you up for texting rehab
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
