Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
