11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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