I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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