the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize