I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
