I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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