I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize