I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
