so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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