Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
