You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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