I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
