So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
