her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
