Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize