yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
