I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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