it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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