Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
