Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
