am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
