I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
