Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
