Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize