dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
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You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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