smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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