i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
