can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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