I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
