I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
