Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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