the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
