i already hear my dad disowning me
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize