Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
