some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
