you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
