Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
