Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
