woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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