I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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