i think my mom watched the whole time
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
