Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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