I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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