and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm too high and old for this...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
