if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
