remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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