i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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